Horses

In This Case, Fiction Is Stranger Than Truth.

So I’m 18 days into NaBloPoMo and I’m already running out of stuff to post about. I’ve got a stack of half-finished posts in my Drafts folder, all utterly devoid of any entertainment value whatsoever. As in, “Look, I’ve changed the decor in my computer room! Here are pictures!” And, “Dude. I cannot BELIEVE that I let myself run out of dishsoap.”

Gripping stuff, folks.

Steve’s horse Sam caught his leg on something out in the pasture a couple days ago and ripped the hell out of it, but…that’s a one-sentence story, and you do not want to see pictures.

A month or two ago our rooster was killed by a stray dog (that subsequently got the everloving crap beat out of it by Gericault), and this morning I think I heard one of our hens attempting to crow. That was just…odd. But also not something I can fill a whole blog post with.

So much for reality. How about some fiction instead?

Shortly after Elizabeth was born I discovered play-by-email role-playing games. For the non-geeks in the audience, basically you play by first creating a fictional character, and then inserting your character into an ongoing story that is populated by other players’ characters, and guided by a gamemaster. All game moves are executed via email. For me it’s a creative writing exercise and a creative thinking exercise, and it kept my brain oxygenated at a time when my “real” world had shrunk down to changing diapers, breastfeeding and housework.

I’ve played in a bunch of pbem’s over the past ten years, but as my kids got older and my real life got fuller, I let go of all the games but one. Austin After Dark is a World Of Darkness game, run by the incomparably evil Aron Head. It’s populated with vampires and werewolves and Fae, and yes I do realize how nerdy I sound right now.

It’s the writing that appeals to me, and the challenge of dealing with all the bizarre situations that arise in the game. And once, a couple of years ago, my character got into a situation that was so intense, so difficult to play, so freaking SCARY, that it stretched my playing skills to the limit just to stay in the game and keep sending back moves.

You have to understand, in this particular scene I didn’t know any more than my character knew. This wasn’t a situation where I knew everything was going to be okay in the end…this game is HARSH, and characters actually DIE in it, like, ALL THE TIME, and I LOVED my character and did not want her to die.

It was a very long scene, so I’m just going to post the first little bit of it. And then a little bit more every day that I can’t think of anything else to write about.

Okay, so here we go. My character is Casey, a 22-year-old human psionic. She has been captured by Mardmor, the Goblin King, who wants some information from her and has temporarily shut down her powers. Aron directed the scene and played all the other characters that were present here.

One last note: The game is written in present-tense, but I’ve changed it to past-tense here for better flow. I think it reads better that way.

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Casey awakened.

She was seated in a hard wooden chair, her wrists locked to the armrests.

Her telepathic senses remained dulled. She could not sense beyond herself.

Looking about, she saw that she was in a dimly lit room draped in shadow.

Off to her left was a hard wood table. Dark stains colored the wood. Ranching experience told her that those were blood stains. A roll-away cart was positioned a few feet from her right. On it, an assorted number of sharp surgical objects were arranged.

Her stomach lurched at the sight of those gleaming blades.

If her telekinesis were working, she could utilize those as a fine arsenal for attack… but instead, she found herself staring at them…

She had no idea how much pain she was capable of enduring.

But oh, she didn’t want to find out. 

Terror washed through her in cold waves, until she had to clench her teeth shut to keep from sobbing aloud.

“You’re awake,” Mardmor greeted her with a smile, stepping out of the darkness. The shadows moved about him like curtains. “I suppose we should get down to business. Don’t you agree?”

He drew a scalpel from the cart.

Shakes wracked her slender body.  She searched desperately for the anger and defiance that had bolstered her courage earlier, but the sight of that razor-edged blade in Mardmor’s hand drove everything from her mind but the overwhelming fear.

“Please,” she whispered unsteadily.  “I don’t know anything.”

“Casey,” he said earnestly, “I need you to believe two things. Just two. But I *need* you to believe them wholeheartedly.”

He drew close, his face filling her field of vision.

“First, do you believe that it is in within my power to hurt you? To make you suffer such torment as you have never imagined? To make you weep until you have no tears left to offer? To make you beg me for the sweet release of eternal death? Do you?”

She tried to draw enough breath to answer, but her chest seemed paralyzed with terror.  Maybe she’d get lucky and just die from heart failure right then, before the torture began.

Finally she managed to jerk a bit of air into her lungs.  “Yes,” she breathed hoarsely.  “I believe that.”

“Good,” he almost whispered, sounding relieved. “Second – and, Casey, this is very important – do you believe that I do not want to hurt you? Because I don’t. You are a profoundly powerful and intriguing woman. I would much rather share a meal with you than cause you harm. There is much you can teach me, and I dare say, much I can teach you. Why then would I ever desire to inflict upon you pain? So, my dear, do you believe that I do not wish to hurt you?”

His words loosened the crushing grip of terror on her chest just a little, just enough to let her breathe.  “Maybe you don’t,” she whispered low.  “But I believe that you’ll do it anyway.  Because I have nothing useful to tell you.”

“I…” He shook his head, “I am sorry to hear you say that.”

In a flash, he slashed down with the scalpel with tremendous force!

Casey jumped, startled by the sudden action.

The blade is plunged deep into the arm of the chair, mere millimeters from her own flesh.

She pulled reflexively away from the blow, but her arm was held tightly in place.  A short whimper escaped her throat before she could choke it back. 

“It would take nothing but the will to do so, Casey. Pain and torment. They can be provided with little effort. Do you believe me? Do you believe that I do not want to hurt you?!?!”

She huddled motionless in the chair, head bowed, heart pounding thunderously against her ribs.

And then a window of clarity opened in her mind.  She was still terrified, but her capacity for rational thought slipped back in through the haze of fear, offering her a wider perspective beyond Mardmor’s blades and the threat of unimaginable pain.

The Goblin King…the master puppeteer pulling the strings of the Talons, the Vampire Prince, presumably even Kilarothes himself…was offering to sit down with her for a little friendly conversation.

It was conceivable that she may yet escape this dungeon.  What if she were to bring with her information that could change the course of this war?

What if this, right now, was her opportunity to find a chink in the enemy’s armor?

Slowly, slowly, her hands unclenched on the chair’s arms.  She drew a deep breath into her lungs, tried to calm the trembling.

She didn’t quite look at him. “What do you want to know?”

***********************

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Categories: Animals, Austin After Dark, Family, Fiction, Gaming, Horses, kids, Life, NaBloPoMo | 3 Comments

Memory Lane, Part Last: Bailey Ranch

Life at Bailey Ranch (the place Steve and I were caretaking when we first moved in together) was pretty sweet at first. Sure, there was an epic mess to clean up that the previous caretaker had left behind — it took us MONTHS of working every day to get it all hauled to the dump — but in exchange for that we lived there rent-free. The caretaker’s house was a tiny, ancient mobile with cardboard walls and a nonworking oven, but compared to where I’d been living it felt like the Taj Mahal.

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And the part of the ranch that we lived on faced a big green-year-round pasture that needed to be grazed down, so our horses and cows were fat and happy and our feed bills were practically nonexistent.

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Which was good, because money was TIGHT. Steve was working part time as a veterinary assistant, and I was collecting unemployment from the closed-down machine shop and searching for a market for my art. Collectively it would have been enough to live on, but to complicate matters, Steve knew literally nothing about managing money. The term “drunken sailor” comes to mind. When he lived at home with his parents (which was right up until we both moved to Bailey Ranch), they had given him his own credit card to cover all his living expenses, and THEY paid the bill every month. So Steve had it in his head that credit cards=free stuff, and somehow that didn’t change when it was MY credit card we were using and the bills were coming to us. “What do you mean we can’t afford that?” he would protest in exasperation. “There’s almost seven thousand dollars left on the card!”

Adding to my frustration was the fact that Steve’s father was constantly swooping in, paying some outstanding bill or handling some repair that Steve should have taken care of, and then WHINING INCESSANTLY ABOUT IT. And it was no use me asking Steve to ask his father to please let us handle our own concerns, because financial independence was a completely alien and totally unwelcome concept to him.

I know, I know…and still I married him. What can I say, I thought it was something he would outgrow once he got used to living away from his parents.

Anyway, so we were always looking for ways to supplement our income. So when a local horse-trader asked Steve to put a little training into a couple of problem horses he had, Steve agreed and they came to live in our pasture.

One of the trainees was a striking pinto Mustang filly called Bunny, so named because of the perfect rabbit shape on her right shoulder. I was inspired to paint her.

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When I showed the painting to the horse trader, he bought it from me and asked me to do two more of his horses, a mare named Sixxy Miss…

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And an aged Thoroughbred stallion named Jet T Chub:

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Chub was gorgeous for his age. I ended up breeding Stormy to him, but as with all of her pregnancies the embryo was reabsorbed before the second trimester.

Word got out, and other people asked me to paint their horses.

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In the middle of all of this, Steve got a decent-paying job working security at the new casino and we got married. And pretty much the instant the knot was tied, he started talking about having kids right away.

I was not on board with with this. There were too many aspects of our relationship that still needed work before we brought another human into the equation, not to mention the appalling state of our finances, and frankly I personally did not feel ready for motherhood.

But it was all he could talk about. How much he wanted to be a dad, how much he had to offer and teach our children, how he wanted us to be a family instead of just a twosome. To prove his sincerity and devotion to being a good father he quit smoking, quit Copenhagen, stopped overspending and paid off all our debts.

So, about ten months after the wedding, I got pregnant. And it turned out that when Steve talked about how much he wanted to be a dad, what he actually meant was that he looked forward to hanging out drinking beer with his teenage sons, because that whole gestating-infancy-toddlerhood-childhood stage? Was noisy and messy and inconvenient and a major buzzkill and he wanted nothing to do with any of it. His parents helpfully told him that just because I no longer had the energy or desire to hang out in smoky bars, didn’t mean that HE had to stay home. So they all went out partying together, and he went back to smoking and chewing and spending money like he found it in the road, and oh yes, apparently that’s when all the cheating started too.

Looking back, that was pretty much the end of our marriage: the day I gave in and got pregnant. It took another eleven years for me to admit it and give up trying to save it, but that was really when it ended.

And coincidentally that was when my art career ended as well, because as soon as I got pregnant all of my creative juices started flowing in a different direction and the part of my brain that did the art thing completely shut down for a year or so. It took me most of my first trimester to finish that picture of old Tank, and I wasn’t happy with how it turned out so I gave it to the owner for free.

I tried to get back into it when Elizabeth was a baby, but once she started walking (and climbing!) there was no place to work that was safe from her. So aside from a Christmas card or two, I haven’t done any artwork in about eleven years.

I’m thinking maybe it’s time for that to change. I could paint, print and sell greeting cards maybe, or get serious about writing and illustrating children’s books. Or go back to doing pet/horse portraits. Even in this economy there has to be SOME kind of market somewhere that I can break into.

So…there you have it. The Twenty-Year Retrospective of Debora’s Artistic Journey, Which Actually Only Spans About Ten Years Because I Hopped Off The Art Bus Halfway Through.

Further updates as events warrant!

Categories: Animals, Artwork, Family, Horses, kids, Life, Marriage, NaBloPoMo, Ranching | 10 Comments

Odds And Ends

These are pictures that don’t quite fit into any particular category. Most of them were just for my own amusement, not for any book or project.

I drew this during one of my annual visits with Dani; I think she was living in Texas at the time:

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Tyleet was one of my favorite characters from the comic book series “Elfquest:”

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A whimsical “self-portrait,” just for fun:

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My horse Stormy, my half-wolf Lakota, and my iguana Khismet all made it into the scene.

I did this one just a few weeks before I met Steve for the first time. Foreshadowing?

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This next one was a paid job…sorta. One of Steve’s friends opened a bar (of course) in Anza called “The Wild Rose Saloon.” It had kareoke and a dance floor and sometimes a band, and that was our hangout on the weekends, for the several months that it stayed open. Steve’s friend’s bar did a hopping business, but he was a little fuzzy on that whole paying-his-bills-and-rent issue. Anyway. Right after it opened I was asked to design a logo, and I came up with this one:

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By way of payment Steve and I each got a free tee-shirt with the logo on it. I still have mine.

Here’s one that I did for a friend of my sister who was into gargoyles:

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And one of the very few projects I did after Elizabeth was born:

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And I think that’s about everything blogworthy from the “Miscellaneous” file.

Wordless Wednesday and Love Thursday are coming up, so I’ll probably get back to the retrospective on Friday.

I wonder how much it would cost to install a skylight in my bedroom and make a little art studio area in there. It’s like one more part of my brain just woke up. That’s been happening quite a lot since the separation.

Categories: Animals, Artwork, Dragons, Friends, Horses, Life, NaBloPoMo | Leave a comment

But First….

So, remember that miscellaneous artwork I was going to post today, before getting to those horse portraits I keep going on about? I’ve gotten ahead of myself again, there’s something else I want to post first.

When I first learned that the machine shop I was working in was going to close down, I decided it was time to kick-start my art career. I did a bunch of small horse-related pen-and-ink drawings and submitted them to two or three horse magazines that use just those sorts of illustrations.

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I got back form letters saying that their files were full at the moment and that I should try back in a few months. So I did, and added some breed pics to the submissions.

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I got the same form letters back again from all the magazines. I concluded that there was no shortage of hopeful equine artists out there trying to break into the industry, and I decided to look in other directions for my big start.

Categories: Animals, Artwork, Horses, Life, NaBloPoMo | 2 Comments

Greetings

I was digging through my old artwork looking for those horse portraits, and I realized that there’s some other stuff I want to post first.

So today we have greeting cards. I started making homemade birthday cards for close friends, and then got into mass-printing my Christmas cards. I still have a few copies of designs in various stages of completion; I’ve posted them here in chronological order:

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This was a card I made for Steve, of course:

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And here’s the first horse portrait I ever did:

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Duchess was the horse Steve was riding at the time, before he got Sam. I gave him the original painting for Christmas that year, and printed some smaller copies onto Christmas cards for him and his family.

This card has a special place in my heart:

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It was the first commissioned-and-paid-for picture I’d done since I’d moved to Anza. A couple I occasionally house-sat for wanted their pets immortalized in pen and ink. I felt like my True Calling was finally getting back on track!

More Christmas card designs:

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I have one more batch of miscellaneous artwork to post tomorrow, before I get to the horses.

Also I’m suddenly feeling the urge to go out and buy art supplies.

Curse you, NaBloPoMo!

Categories: Animals, Artwork, Birthdays, Christmas, Friends, Horses, Life | 4 Comments

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