Humor

I don’t usually post memes, but I stumbled across this one this morning and got a good laugh.

The concept is simple: you do a Google search for your own name followed by the word needs. Also, I found that you get better results if you use quotes (ie, my search was for “Debora needs”).

Then you post thirteen things that Google says you need.

I was unable to track down the creator of this meme, or I’d give them credit. Anyway, here we go:

1. Debora needs orderly landscaping.

This is sadly true. A retaining wall or two would do wonders for my sloping property, and heaven knows I need to mow down all that wild buckwheat. One does the best one can, you know.

2. Debora needs one of those UV bulbs to ward off the winter blues.

This is very likely true as well. Most winters, usually sometime in February, I succumb to a deep blue funk that’s at least partly brought on by sunlight deprivation. Maybe I should look into that UV bulb thing.

3. Debora needs an injection every six hours.

HEY NOW! Let’s not get crazy here. Put the needles down and let’s talk about this!

4. Debora needs sunshine!

It’s just like Google knows me.

5. Debora needs help, she is not who she pretends to be.

Damn. Thanks for blowing my cover, Google! }:^(

6. Debora needs money.

This is not strictly true. Steve has been generous and prompt with the child support, and my financial needs are being adequately met.

That said, if I HAD more money, there’s a whole bunch of stuff on my To Do list that would get done a heck of a lot sooner. Like orderly landscaping, for example.

7. Debora needs a new Wheelchair.

Hah! I’m not quite there yet, but thanks for the thought.

8. Debora needs to turn 6 more or gain 150 more Werewolf points to reach the next level: Berserker Werewolf!

Um. Okay.

Berserker Werewolf.

You know, there’s a part of me that’s really drawn to that image.

9. Debora needs some chicken soup.

I certainly wouldn’t turn it down. :^)

10. Debora needs prayers/thoughts.

Yes indeedy, folks. Can I get an amen?

11. Debora needs to create a strict budget.

Dude. It doesn’t get much stricter than this. Seriously.

I mean, I suppose I could remove all the lightbulbs in the house and decree that bedtime is now at dusk, but beyond that I’m not seeing a lot of room for strictifying my budget.

12. Debora needs to fire her mother as her manager.

Had to do that about fourteen years ago, for the sake of my sanity.

13. Debora needs to start eating cheeseburgers again.

Thanks for the concern, Google, but I prefer actual food. Besides, McDonald’s and the rest aren’t exactly hurting from the absence of MY patronage, as far as I can tell.

So there you have it: 13 things Google thinks I need. Try it with your own name, you might get a laugh or two at how well (or little) Google knows you.

So how DOES one earn Werewolf points, anyway? I am so on that.