Thursday Thirteen

I don’t usually post memes, but I stumbled across this one this morning and got a good laugh.

The concept is simple: you do a Google search for your own name followed by the word needs. Also, I found that you get better results if you use quotes (ie, my search was for “Debora needs”).

Then you post thirteen things that Google says you need.

I was unable to track down the creator of this meme, or I’d give them credit. Anyway, here we go:

1. Debora needs orderly landscaping.

This is sadly true. A retaining wall or two would do wonders for my sloping property, and heaven knows I need to mow down all that wild buckwheat. One does the best one can, you know.

2. Debora needs one of those UV bulbs to ward off the winter blues.

This is very likely true as well. Most winters, usually sometime in February, I succumb to a deep blue funk that’s at least partly brought on by sunlight deprivation. Maybe I should look into that UV bulb thing.

3. Debora needs an injection every six hours.

HEY NOW! Let’s not get crazy here. Put the needles down and let’s talk about this!

4. Debora needs sunshine!

It’s just like Google knows me.

5. Debora needs help, she is not who she pretends to be.

Damn. Thanks for blowing my cover, Google! }:^(

6. Debora needs money.

This is not strictly true. Steve has been generous and prompt with the child support, and my financial needs are being adequately met.

That said, if I HAD more money, there’s a whole bunch of stuff on my To Do list that would get done a heck of a lot sooner. Like orderly landscaping, for example.

7. Debora needs a new Wheelchair.

Hah! I’m not quite there yet, but thanks for the thought.

8. Debora needs to turn 6 more or gain 150 more Werewolf points to reach the next level: Berserker Werewolf!

Um. Okay.

Berserker Werewolf.

You know, there’s a part of me that’s really drawn to that image.

9. Debora needs some chicken soup.

I certainly wouldn’t turn it down. :^)

10. Debora needs prayers/thoughts.

Yes indeedy, folks. Can I get an amen?

11. Debora needs to create a strict budget.

Dude. It doesn’t get much stricter than this. Seriously.

I mean, I suppose I could remove all the lightbulbs in the house and decree that bedtime is now at dusk, but beyond that I’m not seeing a lot of room for strictifying my budget.

12. Debora needs to fire her mother as her manager.

Had to do that about fourteen years ago, for the sake of my sanity.

13. Debora needs to start eating cheeseburgers again.

Thanks for the concern, Google, but I prefer actual food. Besides, McDonald’s and the rest aren’t exactly hurting from the absence of MY patronage, as far as I can tell.

So there you have it: 13 things Google thinks I need. Try it with your own name, you might get a laugh or two at how well (or little) Google knows you.

So how DOES one earn Werewolf points, anyway? I am so on that.

Categories: Humor, Life, Memes, Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Self-Indulgent Romantic Musings

The Internet’s lousy with memes these days, but I saw one today that caught my attention. (Actually I saw it here, but the above links to the original author.) Anyway…specifically, question #4 caught my attention:

4. Rather than discuss the typical characteristics of someone you’d desire (sense of humor, good body, etc.), I’m going to focus on the little details. Rank them in order of preference, with #7 being the one you consider more important than the others and #1 being the one you consider the least important:

1. Good fashion sense,

2. Ability to dance well,

3. Encyclopedic knowledge,

4. Odorless feet,

5. Quick-wittedness,

6. Even tempered nature, and

7. Likes the same music, movies, and/or television

Looking at that list, I realized how much my priorities have changed since my single days. Before I met Steve, my wishlist would have looked like this, least-important to most:

1. Even-tempered nature

2. Odorless feet

3. Good fashion sense

4. Ability to dance well

5. Encyclopedic knowledge

6. Quick-wittedness

7. Likes the same music, movies, and/or television

Then I met Steve, and he was absolutely nothing like that shiny ideal image in my head. Steve was into Metallica and Black Sabbath and Kiss, and he expressed a disbelieving horror when I confessed my deep and abiding love for John Denver. He couldn’t understand my Star Trek addiction at all. He couldn’t understand my failure to appreciate the comic genius of Beavis and Butthead.

Witty conversationalist? Uh…no. Steve is the strong silent type. So taciturn is he that one might know him for years and never guess at the mind-boggling trove of information he possesses beneath that untalkative exterior. Need to know some obscure fact about world history, geography, ancient cultures, or who played the Third Cop From The Left in some unremarkable movie he watched once five years ago? Steve’s your man. Want a bit of fluffy idle social chitchat? You’re pretty much out of luck there.

He can pull off a nice two-step, but that’s the full extent of his dancing expertise. His fashion sense can be summed up in one word: Wrangler.

This post mustn’t be misconstrued as a complaint. I love Steve, and most of the time our differences complement each other beautifully. Almost any kind of crisis can come up and one of us knows exactly how to handle it, even if the other is clueless. It’s just that looking at that list really made me think about how expectations and reality totally part ways sometimes, and you end up getting what you would have wanted if you’d only known to want it.

So here is my list, rearranged so that it now describes Steve, with 1 being least applicable to him and 7 most applicable.

1. Likes the same music, movies, and/or television. (Not.)

2. Good fashion sense. (Wrangler jeans and Megadeath tee shirts never go out of style, right?)

3. Quick-wittedness. (I’m assuming this refers to verbal wittiness. If we’re talking about the ability to respond quickly to an unexpected emergency, then Steve scores a lot higher on this one.)

4. Ability to dance well. (As long as it’s a two-step.)

5. Odorless feet. (I never thought about it until I saw this meme, but Steve has remarkably odorless feet.)

6. Encyclopedic knowledge. (Seriously, he’s like a circus act if you hit a subject that interests him.)

7. Even-tempered nature. (Ironically, the trait that mattered not a bit to me fifteen years ago is Steve’s strongest suit, and one that I’ve come to prize above all the others.)

Funny how things turn out. But really, I wonder how many long-time-married people would have the same reaction I did to seeing that list. Most of them, I think.

Falling in love is such an involuntary phenomenon sometimes.

Categories: Life, Love, Marriage, Memes | 3 Comments

Eight Things About Me

Aron has tagged me for the “8 Things About Me” meme.

So, here are eight random things about me.

1. I believe that a happy, fulfilling life cannot be achieved by approaching life as a competitive event. A well-lived life is a cooperative effort.

2. I am very concerned about the growing toxicity of our planet.

3. I’m a big believer in “abundance mentality.” There is enough joy and love and prosperity in the world to go around. One person’s happiness and success does not mean that there is any less happiness and success available for anyone else.

4. I really hate talking on the phone.

5. I can play sheet music, but only in treble clef. I understand the rules of bass clef, but despite years of effort my hands still can’t seem to coordinate with my brain on this one.

6. I am very concerned about the modern trend toward financial goals and the superficial trappings of wealth rather than the true nurturing of human hearts and spirits. So many people out there own all the latest gadgets, but are literally starving for real friendship and love and encouragement. The very real human need to be noticed and appreciated and emotionally connected is what drives spiritually bankrupt social outcasts to finally gain the attention of their fellow man by any means necessary, even if it means a bloodbath at a school or shopping mall.

7. I believe that every child enormously benefits from being read to every day, even well past the age when he is able to read on his own. This is a time for parents and children to share, reconnect, and refill that emotional tank that too often goes empty these days.

8. (This is going to be a long one. Bear with me.) My grandfather passed away unexpectedly Saturday morning. Or, no. ‘Unexpectedly’ isn’t really the right word — after all, the man was ninety years old and had been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. Certainly we knew he wouldn’t be around for very much longer.

Otis Fosmo was one of the most resourceful, creative, independent and just plain smart people that ever lived. He walked his own path, never followed the crowd, lived on his own terms. He dwelled in a house that he built himself with his own two hands; some of my warmest memories of childhood are set in that cozy place. He kept his body strong and his mind sharp. There was no weakness in him that I ever saw.

Cancer is an ugly thing. Anyone who has seen a loved one taken by this horrible disease knows what I mean: the way it robs its victims of their vitality and their dignity. I can only imagine what a blow it must have been to my strong, independent grandfather to learn that he was facing such a fate.

He wasn’t in any real physical pain. His mind was as sharp as ever, his body not yet ravaged by the cancer.

My father tells me that on Friday, Grandpa became very depressed about his situation. He said he wanted to die strong, not weak and helpless.

Saturday morning he did not awaken. He died, as he had lived, on his own terms.

He was an amazing man.

Rest in peace, Grandpa. I’m so very glad to have known you.

Categories: Death, Family, Life, Memes | 6 Comments

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