I think part of the reason I haven’t been blogging as much lately is because somehow along the way I’ve become reluctant to share the beginnings of things without knowing where they’re going. I don’t necessarily want to talk about some new direction my path has taken until I know whether it’s an onramp or just a cul-de-sac.
But that kind of defeats the whole purpose of personal blogging, doesn’t it? Journaling is ABOUT the path. It’s not like anyone ever really ARRIVES anywhere anyway. I think a blog should celebrate — or at least document — all the little steps that lead from Point A to Point Q and beyond.
Back in August when the new school year began, I was kind of foundering emotionally. You may have noticed. Steve and I had just had our final not-even-attempting-to-be-friends-anymore break, all of my close old friends lived in other states that joint-child-custody rules prevent me from moving to, and I was beginning to realize that the group of local friends I’d been reconnecting with were basically all part of the same…culture, social strata, lifestyle, etc…as Steve, and deep down they really saw nothing particularly shocking or even unusual in his behavior.
I desperately wanted to move forward, but I was at a loss as to how or where to go.
On a whim, I volunteered to help out with a school fundraising project. That led to meeting a woman who invited me to join her walking group. And that led to meeting other women and hearing about a church they were sure I’d like.
It didn’t take me long to figure out that school fundraising projects aren’t really my cup of tea, and I had to let the walking group go when I added up how much I was spending on gas driving to and from the meeting-place every morning. But the church was definitely a keeper, and I would never have gotten there if I hadn’t taken all those other steps that led me to it. Everything is relevant, is what I’m getting at.
I have more to say about the church and what a wonderfully healing thing it’s been for me, but I think I’ll give that its own post later.
On the ranch front, Steve has hauled all of his cows and calves out of the Trinity pasture and will soon be taking the corral panels out as well. Right now his cattle are in his home arena; some of them will be going to the sale and the rest he will be putting in with his dad’s herd across the street. In other words, he’s not so much “getting out of the business” as “cutting me loose to sink or swim on my own.” And that suits me fine, now that I’ve sat down and planned out most of the logistics. I’m actually pretty excited about the whole thing.
I haven’t written much about Mahogany this winter, mostly because the things I’ve been working on with her aren’t really edge-of-your-seat material. But we’ve made huge progress in that simple but crucial ability to pull a bridle over her ears without the whole rodeo thing going on. Anyone who’s worked with horses knows what a big deal that is. At the risk of totally jinxing myself, I will venture to say that Mahogany’s INTENSE ear-handling issues might be completely a thing of the past by the end of this summer. That would be pretty sweet.
My quest to grow as much of my own food as possible is expanding this year with the addition of several new crops and edible landscape plants, but I think that merits another post all its own too. It’s a pretty big subject, and one that I have a lot to say about.
So I guess this post is about small beginnings that may or may not grow into big changes. You make a decision to put an oar into the water and the ripples begin to spread out in unpredictable ways.
I love that life is like that.
And now I see some sunshine outside that needs to be soaked up. I’d better go take care of that….