Life

“You’re on a first-name basis with Lucidity. I have to call him Mr. Lucidity, which is no good in a pinch.”

Posted on March 12, 2009 by Debora

I’ve decided that when I can’t think up a clever title for a blog post, I’m just going to use a random quote from “The Tick.” It’s all good.

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So, somewhere around here is the One Year Anniversary of the day Steve and I first separated. I didn’t write down the date or anything, but it was during the week before Elizabeth’s tenth birthday and she’ll be turning eleven on Sunday.

This has been far and away the most educational and transformational year of my life. There has been so much new information crammed almost nonstop into my brain in the past twelve months that I wake up most mornings feeling like a slightly different person than the person I was the morning before. The last eight months have been especially eye-opening. The last TWO months have been…well, you get the idea: the more I learn, the more doors open around me to reveal even more stuff to learn. It’s dizzying and liberating and at times remarkably painful.

I do wish to clarify that this hast NOT been the most painful year of my life. Not even in the top five. Possibly not in the top ten, because I’m pretty sure all the “winners” in that category fall before 1996. Truth be told, every year since I first moved in with Steve has been a Disney-themed cakewalk compared to the soul-crushing horror that my mother delighted in inflicting upon her offspring at every opportunity. Just want to be clear on that, in case anyone is wondering why I stayed in what was obviously a dysfunctional marriage for nearly twelve years: it was better than where I’d come from, and it’s not like I had a point of reference for what a healthy home life was supposed to look like. (And I suppose in Steve’s defense neither did he. Bummer for both of us.)

Whoops, little digression into Bitter Country there. I’d meant for this to be an upbeat, cheerful post, because that’s my prevailing mood these days. As overwhelming as the unrelenting flow of Here’s Something ELSE You Didn’t Know! has been at times, I remain grateful for the ever-broadening perspective on life, the universe and everything that the past year has offered me.

Here’s to clarity. Here’s to moving forward.

And while I’m on the subject, here is the most brilliantly useful bit of wisdom that I’ve acquired this year. I’m going to share it because I wish someone had told me this decades ago:

The only people who demand forgiveness for the harm they’ve done, who go on and on about how good Christians are supposed to be infinitely forgiving of all transgressions, are the people who have NO INTENTION of ever changing their harmful behavior. They NEED to be forgiven by their victims so that they can go right on victimizing them.

People who have genuinely repented of their selfish, destructive ways and want to change do not demand forgiveness from the folks they’ve hurt. They just STOP HURTING THEM and start being productive, compassionate human beings and let nature take its course. They offer selfless love instead of abuse or neglect, and they understand that healing takes time and patience.

Believe it. Jesus never meant for you to spend your life suffering so that some self-absorbed manipulator can feel powerful.

You’re welcome.

Categories: Christianity, Family, Life, Marriage | 4 Comments

Wordless Wednesday: Plum Hopeful

Posted on March 11, 2009 by Debora

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Categories: environment, food, frugality, Gardening, Life, Self-Sufficiency, trees, Wordless Wednesday | 2 Comments

Wordless Wednesday: First Signs

Posted on March 4, 2009 by Debora

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Categories: environment, Gardening, Life, Wordless Wednesday | 1 Comment

On A Brighter Note….

Posted on March 2, 2009 by Debora

“Catholics confess their sins every week,” the pastor of our church commented yesterday. “Protestants confess EVERYONE ELSE’S sins.”

I laughed along with the rest of the congregation, but it got me thinking that I’ve devoted a fair chunk of space on this blog to bewailing the imperfections of the human race. And while the role of Embittered Wretch does hold a certain undeniable appeal at times, day-to-day life keeps tugging me back whenever I start drifting too far down that route.

So today I’ll tell a happier story about something that’s been brightening my path of late.

The church I attend is relatively young as churches go (but growing fast), and one thing that’s still being sorted out is the music program. The first several months I was there, the congregation simply sang along with prerecorded music on discs or an MP3 player. Which is fine, I’m not picky about where my music comes from as long as I get to sing nice and loud. Then a small worship group formed and began playing once a month in place of the recorded music, and that’s nice too. And then a few weeks ago a second worship group formed, and someone told me I should join it, and I’m in a place right now where I Listen To The Voices, so I joined it, and that has turned out to be surprisingly fun. We get together twice a week to practice, and perform at the church on the first Sunday of each month. The first performance I was part of was nothing to write home (or blog) about, because there were still a few bugs in the live-music amp setups and also our group was still very small. But right after that we gained three or four new members, each of whom totally rock their instrument of choice, and the sound system got upgraded, and yesterday? We sounded mighty fine, if I do say so myself. I’m really glad I decided to give that a shot.

On a similar note, the youth population at the church has EXPLODED in the past year, so now they have a shortage of Sunday School teachers. I dodged that bullet for as long as I could, but last week someone came up and asked me directly if I would teach one class per month. And it’s not like I HATE the idea of doing that, it’s just that I really really enjoy the services and hate the idea of missing any of them. But considering the pathetically small amount of money that I can afford to tithe (I think it just about covers the donuts my kids wolf down every Sunday), it seems like I should be giving SOMEthing of value back to the church. Also the pastor’s sermons are available on a free podcast at the church’s website the next day, so I’m not REALLY missing anything. So it looks like I’ll be wearing my Schoolmarm hat on the last Sunday of each month, and I hope that turns out as well as the worship group thing has.

Last but by no means least, the weather here has been intoxicatingly springlike this past week. I’ve begun turning over the garden beds, and over the next few days I’ll start planting cool-weather crops like garlic and lettuce and swiss chard, stuff that won’t be bothered too much by the occasional late frost. It’s still a bit early by Anza standards, but my gut tells me that the worst weather is behind us. I mean, it’s not like we haven’t gotten our money’s worth of winter this year, right?

There’s just something about springtime that makes everything feel fresh and new and possible.

And I’m off to the garden…

Categories: Christianity, Friends, Humor, Life, Love, Music | Leave a comment

Self-Sufficiency: Successive Harvests Are Key

Posted on February 25, 2009 by Debora

One of the most important things to remember if you’re planning to grow your own food is that most perennial crops have a relatively short harvest period. Once asparagus season is over it’s over, and the same goes for apricots and blueberries and almost everything else. (The exception would be plants with edible foliage, such as Malabar Spinach, dandelions and most herbs, which can be harvested as needed throughout the spring, summer and fall.) For the most part, if you want to have fresh food available throughout the growing season you’ll want to plant as many different kinds of crops as possible.

Picture this: you begin enjoying fresh-picked asparagus in March and continue through May and June. By the time that supply peters out the strawberry patch is in full swing. After that come raspberries, then blueberries, then blackberries and grapes. Meanwhile the trees are producing a steady succession of apricots, plums, peaches, pears, apples, walnuts, pecans, pomegranates and persimmons, beginning in June or July and ending with the frosts of November or even December. And if there’s a fruit you particularly love, you can even plant different varieties of it to ripen at different times, and extend your harvest by several months that way. We get grapes and apples from late August through October that way, by having several different varieties of each that ripen one after the other.

Don’t underestimate the value a steady supply of fresh homegrown organic produce can have on your health and grocery budget. Most of the fruits listed above are powerful “superfoods” that will help you look and feel great. Pomegranates are especially magical: every fall I notice that after I’ve been eating a pomegranate a day for a week or so my skin takes on a radiantly healthy glow and I feel incredibly energetic and strong. Last fall I tried freezing the surplus seeds so I can have that boost in the dead of winter, and this is the first year in a very long time that I didn’t succumb to the apathetic depression of “Februaryitis.”

And once you get in the habit of snacking on apricots and plums instead of chips and candy bars, your budget and your body will both show the benefits. The key is to have the next crop ripening as the current one is beginning to fade, and to keep them coming throughout the spring, summer and fall.

Not everything I’ve listed can be grown in every climate, but unless you live in Antarctica there are varieties of most of them that will thrive in yours. For just a small amount of time, sweat and money invested now, you can be enjoying the fruits of your labors for years or even decades to come!

Categories: food, frugality, Gardening, Life, Self-Sufficiency | 10 Comments