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Misty Pomegranate-Colored Musings

Posted on November 10, 2010 by Debora

Sunday night we got another nice rain, and Monday night we got our first frost of fall. Yesterday most of the pomegranates on my tree had suddenly developed those little splits in their skins that means they need to be harvested soon or they’ll go to waste. So I spent most of yesterday taking pomegranates apart, putting the seeds in containers, and putting the containers in the freezer, which was…about as tedious as it sounds. But also satisfying, because around January and February a handful of half-thawed pomegranate seeds tastes like a fresh little boost of happy.

Still pretty tedious, though. The mind wanders while the hands work, and my mind had lots of time to wander on Tuesday. Some thoughts it offered up for my consideration:

1. I’m amazed at how many people see love as a weakness to be exploited. These people are seriously shortchanging themselves. Love is the most powerful force in the universe, and they will live and die without ever tapping into that vast, amazing power.

2. People have to receive before they can understand the value of giving. People have to be listened to before they can understand the value of listening to others. They have to be accepted and respected, in all their quirky uniqueness, before they can accept and respect others who are different from them. If you convince a child that her feelings don’t matter, she will grow up believing that no one’s feelings matter. Feelings either matter or they don’t. If you’re constantly telling your child not to be so sensitive whenever your thoughtless words and actions wound him, don’t be surprised if he grows up to be insensitive and thoughtless of others. If you try to teach your child humility by treating her as if she has no great value or importance, don’t be surprised if she grows up treating herself (and others) like garbage. This often involves chemical addictions and promiscuity. If you try to impose your will on your child by force, don’t be surprised if he grows up believing that might makes right. If you try to impose your will on your child through lies and manipulation, don’t be surprised if he grows up to be a manipulative liar.

3. A common misconception among Christians is that they are (or should be) somehow exempt from the natural consequences of their own poor choices. This is an unrealistic expectation. You may be “saved by grace,” but you still have to water your garden, tend lovingly to your personal relationships and feed the dog, or they will all wither and die. If you lie and cheat and steal people will stop trusting you. If you are unreliable people will stop investing in you. Being “a Christian” doesn’t absolve you of any earthly repercussions or responsibilities. It’s silly (and totally missing the point) to think it should.

4. One person’s “normal” is another person’s “completely unacceptable.” One person’s “attractive and desirable” is another person’s “eww.” What one person admires and reveres, someone else will feel nothing but contempt for. A way of life that feels like heaven to one person will feel like hell to another. What feels like glorious success to one person will feel like dismal failure to another. I don’t think there are any exceptions to this rule. To borrow Alan Alda’s phrase, “all laws are local.” You have to walk the path God designed you for, and accept that not everyone is going to understand.

So much for the navel-gazing. In other news:

5. I’m currently reading “Travels With Charley” by John Steinbeck. It’s one of the books that came with my house when we bought it twelve years ago and it’s been in my “to read” pile all this time, and I finally got around to it. It is an incredible book, and I highly recommend it if you’re interested in shrewd, amusing and often brilliant observations on human nature and eerily accurate predictions (it was written in 1961) about the impact of technology on American life.

6. I decided to make some of my kids’ Christmas presents this year, to save money. Somehow it didn’t occur to me that this would suck up the last vestiges of my spare time. If my blog goes dark for a while, that’s why. Turns out there is a finite number of minutes per day, and that number is not negotiable. Who knew?

7. A closing quote borrowed from one of my favorite bloggers, wordsmith Scott White of Caveat Emptor:

Once I met a man with a hundred hands. “It must be amazing to be able to get so many things done,” I said. “Alas,” he replied, “if only I had a few more brains and a longer reach, maybe that would be true.” Then I understood the value of people working together.

Categories: books, Christianity, Christmas, Family, frugality, Gardening, Health, kids, Life, Love, Nutrition, Self-Sufficiency, trees, Weather, Winter | 9 Comments

Clueless Woman, Angry Mob

Posted on October 28, 2010 by Debora

So, that whole Maura Kelly thing.

For those who haven’t seen it, basically the editors of Marie Claire asked one of their bloggers to write an article addressing the question of whether viewers feel uncomfortable watching overweight people making out on tv.

The blogger, Maura Kelly, proceeded to write an epically insensitive article implying that the mere existence of obese people is offensive, moreso because apparently they choose to be that way and could all be in perfect shape if they just exerted a little effort. Truly an unfortunate piece of writing.

Everyone’s blogging about how shocked and horrified they were when they read that post. And here I must confess that I wasn’t shocked. I grew up in a family that placed an unhealthy importance on physical and behavioral “perfection,” and any perceived flaw was treated as something deeply shameful. Seriously, everything: acne, crooked teeth, the shape of everyone’s noses, freckles, moles, the color of our eyes, the color and length and texture of our hair, the length of our legs, the slightest ounce of superfluous weight, any trace of the aging process, it was all stuff to be obsessed over and criticized, and that’s not even counting all the internal “imperfections” that supposedly lowered our value as human beings. When my children were born I was treated to earnest recitals of all their flaws, and as they grew older it was explained to me, repeatedly, why it would be unfair of me to ever expect them to amount to much of anything. About the time they started to understand sentences, I began seriously limiting their exposure to these toxic messages. I never wanted them to think that way about themselves or anyone else. I didn’t want it to be part of the air they breathed.

What I’m saying is, I wasn’t shocked by Maura Kelly’s article because I get that she was raised breathing that kind of air. And as insensitive and icky as her post was, I honestly don’t think that she was trying to hurt anyone. She was like, “Fat people, amiright?” assuming that everyone would agree with her because that’s the kind of world she moves in. And when the outrage began pouring in, she very quickly realized that she had, in fact, deeply offended a whole lot of folks, and she appended an apology to her article.

The apology just seemed to make people angrier. And meaner. As I write this there are currently 2140 comments on her blog, the vast majority screaming for her blood and her resignation. They’re calling her a bully, a mean-spirited subhuman, and a hundred other vicious things. The sheer unrestrained vitriol in almost every comment has disturbed me a lot more than the original article did. There is some very deep anger on this subject, obviously, and instead of a discussion she got a ravening mob armed with torches and pitchforks and cancelled subscriptions.

People are saying that it’s the most horrifically insulting and degrading thing they’ve ever read. Seriously? Because…are we reading the same Internet, people? There’s stuff out there that makes this sad little article look like Mother Teresa wrote it. I’m not trying to be flippant with people’s legitimate pain, but where did all this rage come from? People are saying that Maura Kelly needs to seek psychological help, and maybe that’s true, but I think it’s also true of at least half of the people who wrote those terrible comments. There’s no mercy in their words, no humanity, no sympathy for her ignorance. Just hate and hate and more hate.

This thing has been eating at my brain for a few days now. I don’t know how to think about it. Should I feel the same righteous outrage toward this misguided woman? I don’t. I think she was living in a certain kind of environment, and this experience was as much a shock to her as it was to her readers. Am I defending bigotry? I hope not. I don’t like bigotry. I just think…that a little more compassion might be in order here on both sides of this issue.

It’s Love Thursday. Today, let’s try to do a better job of showing people what love is supposed to look like.

Categories: Family, Health, Life, Love Thursday | Leave a comment