Love

Storming The Castle

Yesterday the kids and I went to Castle Park in Riverside for Luke’s birthday. He won’t officially turn twelve until next week, but the Castle will be switching over to their fall (well, school year) schedule next week so this was our last chance to catch the summer hours/rides.

The scorching heat kept the crowds away, so we didn’t have to stand in a single line all day. We pretty much had the place to ourselves.

Elizabeth was the only one of us with the intestinal fortitude to ride Fireball.

…Twice in a row.

They’ve added a water park since the last time I was at the Castle, and that’s where all the people were. Next time we’ll bring bathing suits and spend more time splashing around.

I was a little disappointed to see that the actual Castle building itself has suffered a decline in artsy ambience. The upstairs is closed off now; when I asked an employee she said it had been converted to offices. And the awesome old medieval decor downstairs was traded in at some point for just cramming as many arcade games into every square inch as could possibly fit. There were still air hockey and skeeball though (and air conditioning!) so we did spend a little time inside.

But where Castle Park really shines is in its miniature golf courses.

Sadly my favorite course was closed yesterday, but the one we played was almost as fun.

Confession: I’m not the world’s biggest fan of youngsters in general. But I love hanging out with these three in particular. They’re smart and funny and fun and nice.

Elizabeth’s favorite ride was the flying saucer. I didn’t think to get a pic of it because it doesn’t look like much from the outside. Riders walk into a UFO-shaped structure and stand against padded walls. There are no restraints, and none are needed. The saucer starts to spin, faster and faster, and centrifugal force makes the padded sections of wall slide up, with the people pressed flat against them so their feet leave the floor. I’ve ridden it before but I didn’t yesterday, because my 43-year-old stomach can’t handle the spinny rides the way it used to. Emma and I waited outside while Luke and Elizabeth tried it for the first time. We both marveled at how fast it was spinning. “It looks like one of those…what are they called?” I asked Emma.

“Those things they use to train astronauts for zero G?”

“No, the tiny things that scientists use in labs.”

“A centrifuge?”

“That’s it! How do those things work, anyway?”

Emma gave me a tidy little discourse on how and why a centrifuge can separate blood cells from plasma and so on. It was awesome. Even the ride operator was listening in. When Luke and Elizabeth stumbled out of the UFO we asked them if their blood cells were all separated from their plasma now. They said it was entirely possible. And for the rest of the day Elizabeth couldn’t stop talking about how amazing and mysterious centrifugal force is. And the thing is, I know very few adults with whom I can have those kinds of conversations and make those kinds of jokes. I do know a few, and treasure their friendship with all my heart, but why aren’t there more grownups who manage to bring their wonder and whimsy and uncomplicated enjoyment of life with them into adulthood?

Anyway, we had a ridiculous amount of fun yesterday. Happy almost-birthday, Luke! You’re one of the coolest kids I know, and I love you like crazy.

Categories: Birthdays, Family, Friends, Humor, kids, Life, Love | 6 Comments

Pretty Close To Perfect

I’m not a fan of breakfast in bed. I like to fix my own breakfast just the way I like it, and I don’t think food and bedsheets really belong in the same room together. What I do love is walking woodsy trails, so the first stop on our Mother’s Day outing was to meet up with some people from our hiking group at the Santa Margarita River Trailhead in Fallbrook. The weather was lovely, the trail was shady, and I was prepared this time for the fact that I would not be able to keep Luke and Elizabeth out of the water, so they had clean clothes in the car to change into. We got back to the trailhead pleasantly tired and, in the kids’ case, wet and muddy. No problem. Our next stop was the Temecula Public Library, which has restrooms right at the main entry that you can get to without taking your damp self anywhere near the books, patrons or librarians. They also have handicapped stalls big enough to stable horses in. The kids changed into clean clothes, put their wet ones into the plastic bag we’d brought, put the bag back in the car, and then we spent another hour or so pursuing our various interests in the library itself.

The Temecula Library (the big new on on Pauba Rd, not the little old one on Ynez) has a wonderful children’s area, but Luke has mostly exhausted its nonfiction section in his ceaseless quest for knowledge. Yesterday I introduced him to the Adult Nonfiction section, which he vanished into with great enthusiasm while I plugged my flash drive into a library computer and worked on my book. Sunday is usually a no-computer day in our family, but Luke rarely gets to go to the Temec library during the school year, and working on my book allowed me to let him stay longer than I otherwise would have had patience for. By the same token I allowed Elizabeth to bring her laptop and enjoy the library’s free wi-fi at connection speeds that are orders of magnitude faster than anything she can get at home. Like drinking from a garden hose when you’re used to sucking on a straw.

Luke had won two free movie passes in a school raffle, so our next destination was the Edward Cinema at the Promenade. Our plan was to confirm showtimes and to secure three tickets for The Avengers and then go get some lunch, but holy crap, everyone in the world was apparently taking their mom to the movies yesterday. Several screenings of The Avengers were already sold out, including the one we wanted. No problem. We got tickets for a showtime that was two and a half hours later and not in 3D, and then traded one throng for another at Souplantation. I was beginning to remember why I don’t normally venture out into civilization on Mother’s Day.

Lunch was nice though. Souplantation is my favorite place for a casual meal out, especially if the kids are with me. After that we still had lots of time to kill, so we did some grocery shopping at Sprouts (I had our cooler and ice packs in the trunk) and then we decided to wander the mall for a while. We headed back to find a spot in the parking garage nearest the theater.

In the past the kids have asked about what the top of a parking garage looks like, and yesterday seemed like the perfect time to find out. We drove all the way up to the roof level, which is apparently where all the vanpools and such park out of the way, and walked around the edges to look at the mall from a new angle. From up there we saw the Apple Store, and that reminded me that I’ve been wanting to talk to a Mac expert about a tech issue, so we headed in that direction next.

The kids scampered into the Apple Store like cats into a catnip garden, and I found the nearest Mac Guy and explained what I wanted to know. He spent at least fifteen or twenty minutes earnestly and thoroughly answering my questions, delightfully mixing in the sort of friendly conversation that not enough men bother with these days, and then said he would like to see me again, and if he’d been just a little older I would have taken him up on it. My ex-marriage seems to have flatlined my capacity to take chances on younger men. Even so, being flirted with by a charming male is an undeniable mood-booster, and I left the Apple store feeling positively exuberant.

It seemed to be a day for trying things we’d never had time for before, so Elizabeth said she’d like to check out the view from the veranda above the fountain courtyard between the cinema and the main structure of the mall, and so we did. By then it was a little over half an hour before the movie was due to start, and we wanted to get there early to be sure we got good seats, so we headed down.

Yeah. Apparently years of catching Tuesday morning matinees had left us unprepared for certain modern realities. The theater was freaking packed, and the ONLY place we found three seats together was up in the nosebleed section, unless you count the area directly in front of the screen where you’re looking up the actors’ pant legs. Nosebleed section it was. Luckily it’s a stadium cinema, so we didn’t have any trouble seeing the action.

Even if I hadn’t already known that “The Avengers” was a Joss Whedon project, I would have realized it fairly early on. Joss’ fingerprints are all over this movie, from the clever dialog and the constant little unexpected twists to the painfully detailed fight scenes and the wonderful combination of the familiar and the bizarrely original. This was a terrific movie.

On the way home I remembered that I hadn’t checked the mail Saturday, so I stopped at our mailbox and discovered that my oldest friend hand sent me a beautiful handmade Mother’s Day card, in which she’d written a lovely small poem describing a mother’s comforting whispers and lullabies as the music that soothes the world’s ills. I spent the rest of the drive home contemplating the incalculable worth of old friends and poetry and beauty and life in general.

It was after 11pm when we got to bed, unheard of on a school night for us. Totally worth it. I think this was the most enjoyable Mother’s Day I’ve ever spent.

TL;DR: Go see The Avengers.

Categories: Family, kids, Life, Love, Marriage | Tags: , | 3 Comments

A Hard Goodbye

I had to put Stormy down yesterday. The vet’s best guess was a twisted gut, or possibly an intestinal stone, though only an autopsy could say for sure. But she was in horrific pain, and any possible treatment would have involved surgery. Due to Stormy’s advanced age (not to mention my lack of money) that wasn’t a realistic option.


 

I’ve written before about what Stormy meant to me. She’s been a cherished companion for more than half my life.

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In the two years since I wrote the “Love Remembers” post, Elizabeth has taken a new interest in riding and she and Stormy have shared many a sunny day out on the trails together.

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For 24 years Stormy illuminated my life in one way or another, from the fiery but loyal skyrocket of her youth to the warm and steady candle that cared for my children with such attentive devotion.

 

 

 

I do not know what happens to the souls of horses when their bodies fail. I am irrationally comforted by the dream Elizabeth had last night and described to me this morning, in which she saw Stormy walking peacefully in the paddock past her own lifeless body.

Sweet travels, my dear old friend. You will never be forgotten.

Categories: Animals, Death, Horses, Life, Love | 2 Comments

An Open Letter

Here’s the thing: some people will line up to kick you when you’re down. It’s just their nature, like wolves who instinctively close in on fallen calves. I can live with that, I guess.

The problem is that if, in spite of all of their efforts to finish you off, you manage to claw your way back to your feet and move on with your life, they expect you to pretend that none of it ever happened. They get morally outraged if you view their friendliness with a certain healthy skepticism after that.

Look, I’m happy to consider the possibility that the next time I stumble, you won’t close right back in for the kill. I would like to think that you might actually be in the other group next time, the one speaking words of encouragement and support as I struggle back to my feet. But it would be foolish of me to assume that you won’t use my vulnerability against me. I mean, you’ve already demonstrated that you probably will.

If it’s my trust you want, I’m sure there will be ample future opportunities for you to earn it back. Until then, you’ll just have to get along without it. Sorry, but that’s just how reality works.

Thanks for your time.

Categories: Family, Friends, Life, Love | Tags: | 3 Comments

Everything But Money, Part VII: The Modern Woman’s Dilemma, Continued

This is an excerpt from “Everything But Money” by Sam Levenson.

Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV
Part V
Part VI

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The easy answer is to proclaim that woman’s mission in life is to be a mother. Most women want to be mothers, but they were also trained for many other professions. Is is possible to be a good chemist and a good mother? Can a mother be in two places at the same time? What about the needs of the children? And what about the country’s need for talent of all kinds? If women were intended by nature to be mothers, why does nature also endow them with intellectual gifts equal to those of the men? And what right have men to ask their mates to deny their talents and devote themselves to housekeeping?

Some people have suggested that a woman should get a full education, then marry, raise her children, and after about ten years, go back to her career. The children would then be taken care of by some member of the family, or a maid. The chances of resuming her career after ten years, however, are not very good.

Perhaps the husbands of such women should stay home and raise the children. The husband as breadwinner is only a convention based on the assumption that he is the stronger of the two. In this age of technology we don’t need strong people; we need skilled people.

Perhaps there should be all-day schools that would take care of the children from 7am to 6pm.

Perhaps women should postpone going to college until after their children are old enough to be looked after by others.

Perhaps those college girls who feel very intensely about a life devoted to science or the arts should be encouraged not to get married at all.

At any rate, we have worked ourselves into a situation we did not anticipate when we proclaimed liberty and justice for all and built an educational system to promote it. Perhaps we did not truly believe that woman could become the equal of man. Well, she is, and, in many instances, superior. Man had better find a just way of giving her her due.

There are many fine mothers who want to stay at home but are forced by economic necessity to neglect their children and go out to work. Society should subsidize these women adequately and keep them at home. We cannot have Papa on the night shift and Mama on the day shift, leaving kids to shift for themselves.

There are also many mothers who use work as an excuse to get away from the responsibilities of home. They rationalize themselves into a job that will provide the “luxuries” they claim the children need. Most children would rather have the mother at home than any “luxury.” A key to the house is not a substitute for the welcome of a mother at the door. Unwarranted mother absenteeism is an unhealthy condition in the house.I am not talking about leaving the children with Grandma or some other competent and devoted person while the parents grab a few hours or days together. I do refer to chronic neglect in so-called “rich” homes where children of educated parents are being raised by semiliterate strangers. It does not make sense for an intelligent mother, presumably aware of the emotional, aesthetic, spiritual and physical needs of children to turn hers over to the care of a housekeeper. One of the most revealing comments was made by a youngster who, when his mother said, “Don’t tell me what to do. I know how to bring up children,” replied, “You do? Were you once a maid, Mom?”

** ** **

It’s unfortunate that in the half-century since this book was published, we seem to be no closer to resolving these issues. In many ways we’ve lost ground: instead of working together for a mutually beneficial solution, resentment and hostility seem to be mounting on all sides.

One thing I do take exception to is Mr. Levenson’s question, “If women were intended by nature to be mothers, why does nature also endow them with intellectual gifts equal to those of the men?” Is he suggesting that parenting isn’t an intellectual pursuit? That intelligence and wisdom and knowledge are wasted resources in the upbringing of the next generation of humanity? I don’t think that’s true AT ALL. Quite the opposite, in fact.

Another thing I’d like to add is that the father can make or break a mother’s sense of fulfillment and contentment in her role as homemaker. In my opinion, any man who gets his wife pregnant and then abandons her to her domestic fate while heedlessly continuing to enjoy freedom and recreation without her has earned himself a spot in the Special Hell. If both husband and wife aren’t ready to shift their priorities to accommodate the needs of children, then they should not become parents. Period. It’s not like the world is underpopulated, or needs more neglected children.

I could rant almost indefinitely on the subject, but this post is already too long. I’d enjoy hearing other people’s perspectives, though.

Categories: books, Family, kids, Life, Love, Marriage, School | Tags: , | Leave a comment

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