Friends

We’re Sorry, That Number Is No Longer In Service

My friend Dee recently asked me to draw her a faerie picture of her own. I said I’d be happy to; it seemed like a good little project to ease me back into the artwork thing.

Two weeks later I have gotten absolutely nowhere on this picture. Not even a single basic sketch that has any aesthetic merit. I pick up a pencil and stare at my blank sheet of paper and nothing. happens.

It’s like the whole art center of my brain has simply packed up and gone out of business. No no, my brain tells me. We are A Writer now. We are No Longer An Artist. My hand agrees, scrawling listless and unappealing lines when forced to operate a pencil instead of a keyboard.

This is kind of a big deal for me…and also not. Since I was a tiny wee thing I have thought of myself as An Artist, and I think I used to be a pretty decent one. Before I had kids I always just assumed that my fortune lay somewhere down that road. It was who I was.

But now it just doesn’t seem…I don’t know…like something I would enjoy doing. I feel no creative impulse in that direction whatsoever. Nearly everything I love and find beautiful can be captured in a photograph, and for the rare exceptions I’d rather just go with the thousand words.

I’m still trying to do that faerie pic for Dee. I figure if I can accomplish one finished piece of art, it will either wake up that slumbering part of my brain or confirm that it’s shut down for good. I’m okay either way, I just want to know.

Going to go stare at a blank piece of paper some more. It MOCKS me, but I will prevail. Probably.

Categories: Artwork, Friends, Life | 5 Comments

Saturday Summary

When Steve and I first separated we split the cow herd 50/50. There was a half-grown steer left over, so we agreed to eventually butcher him and split the meat between us. Which we did, and Sunday Steve brought over my half of the lovely little white packages. I thawed out some steaks right away to test them, because one thing about raising your own beef and having it hung and butchered locally is that each one has its own flavor and every once in a long while you’ll get one that tastes just plain bad. But my concerns were immediately laid to rest, because this guy is tender and yummy. Hooray!

Tuesday I took the kids back to Casa Gamino for lunch and their first official pool lesson. Elizabeth picked it up pretty quickly, but Luke has a tendency to get in a hurry and hit the cueball with the SIDE of the cuestick, which makes me cringe every time, and isn’t healthy for the cuestick either. We’re going to work on that.

After the pool lesson we drove to a local nursery to pick out our Christmas tree. We always buy live trees in pots and I’d planned to get a smallish one this time, so that we could reuse it for at least a couple more Christmases. But pickings are very slim this year. Since the stock market crashed the two local nurseries have done very little business, so one only ordered a few trees (mostly pines that had been topiaried into a cone-shape), and the other didn’t order any at all and only had a handful of blue spruces left over from last Christmas. I don’t care much for the cone-shaped pines, so I ended up getting a slightly-leaning blue spruce that was much bigger than I’d wanted and already outgrowing its pot. It’s pretty though:

blgsprc

I was going to have a friend with a pickup deliver it for me at some point, but the nursery owner very kindly offered to bring it over the next morning. I gratefully agreed, and gave him a couple packages of beef for his trouble. I may be money-poor, but I gots the beef!

Steve has finally moved out of his parents’ place and is renting an old mobile across the street that belongs to the son of an old family friend. This is a good thing, because the property lies up against a mountainside full of rocks and old Cahuilla Indian caves. It’s like Disneyland for Luke and Elizabeth. So now when they visit him they spend an hour or two scrambling up and down the mountainside instead of parked in front of his parents’ tv. They come home exercised and happy, which makes me very happy too.

Tuesday after we’d picked out our tree I dropped the kids off at Steve’s new place and they headed straight up the rocks.

blglcrcks

You can’t buy that kind of workout. I love that they get to do this.

Wednesday — rain! And there was much rejoicing!

blgrain

Thursday — even more rain! And the angels sang!

The kids had Thanksgiving dinner with Steve and his parents like always. My friend Jenny had invited me to spend the day with her and her family, and I was happy to accept.

I need to confess here that I have mixed feelings associated with this holiday. I love the IDEA of Thanksgiving — I love having a day set aside to remember and appreciate our blessings and the good things in our lives. But Thanksgiving wasn’t like that when I was growing up. Every year without exception my mother would inevitably have a screaming meltdown at some point on Thanksgiving Day (and also on Christmas Day, yay!), and when that wasn’t actually in progress there was still the grim micromanagement of every detail of preparing and eating the meal. It was pretty joyless, to put it mildly.

When I married Steve and started spending Thanksgiving Day with his parents, things were…better, but that’s not saying a lot. Steve’s father openly disliked me, his mother and I had nothing in common to talk about, and Steve himself came down on our kids like a crushing ton of bricks if they so much as wriggled in their chairs or accidentally dropped a fork or heaven forbid, made any noise. The prevailing topic of conversation was usually whether or not Steve’s sister was going to show up, and whether she would stay longer than the ten minutes it took her to bolt down a plateful of food. Whee!

My Thanksgiving Day with Jenny and her husband and her brother at her in-laws house was quite simply wonderful. There was laughter, there was happy conversation, there was marvelous food and fun games and surrounding everything there was love. You could feel it in the air of the house.

I think if I ever get involved with another man I’m going to spend at least one Thanksgiving Day with him and/or his family before I make any decisions about whether the relationship is going anywhere. Seriously.

Friday night a medium-sized group of us went up to Idyllwild for some karaoke.

blgkrke1

That’s Jenny on the far left, then me, then Luke and Elizabeth. On the far right is Dee, and next to her is her very sweet mother.

There was much singing.

blgkrke2

blgkrke3

blgkrke4

blgkrke5

blgkrke6

Toward the end of the night some guy came over and sat down at our table and started hitting on me in a fairly unsubtle manner. Wanted to dance with me, wanted me to step out back and “chat” with him. I was not at all interested, but when someone told me that he was married I was pissed off just on principle. Adulterers suck.

And now it’s Saturday morning and I need to wrap this up because I’m supposed to be driving the kids to the home of one of Elizabeth’s classmates for a playdate. This is a first. Elizabeth has never liked any of her classmates enough to pester me to take her to their house before. So, I’m thinking this is a good thing and I need to hit “Publish” and go get in the car. If I missed any typos I’ll fix them later.

Hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving!

Categories: Family, food, Friends, kids, Life, Love, Music, NaBloPoMo, Ranching, Self-Sufficiency, Weather | 3 Comments

Thankful

I can’t remember a Thanksgiving that I’ve greeted with as much joyful gratitude as I do this one.

There have been happy Thanksgivings, hopeful Thanksgivings, and always, always many things to be thankful for, but this year is so different on every level. I feel like I’ve been lifted out of a dark, tangled mire of pointless struggle and set in a warm sunshiny place where life is peaceful and beautiful and shining with happy possibilities. That heady sense of a wide-open future…how long has it been since I’ve felt real pleasure at the thought of whatever may lie ahead? I can’t even remember. I’m an optimist by nature, but it’s been a long time since life has felt like the grand adventure it should be. Now it feels that way again.

So very much to be thankful for right now. First and foremost, for God’s infinite love and grace. There were moments in the past eight months when my own reserves of strength and courage ran completely dry, and the only thing that got me through was prayer. I have felt His comfort and guidance and providence so vividly through all of this, and my gratitude is boundless.

I’m so thankful for Luke and Elizabeth. They are the cure for loneliness, the antidote to self-pity, the opposite of dreariness. They keep me from getting lost in my own head for too long, and their laughter and creativity fill our house with life and light.

I am thankful for my home. Especially in light of the current economic meltdown, with people losing their homes and their jobs and their pensions all over the place, I am so incredibly grateful to be in this place of relative security that allows me time and space to parent my children and grow healthful food and enjoy the quiet beauty of nature. This is such an enormous blessing.

I am thankful to all the people who have offered their friendship, their company, or even just an exchange of stories for the span of one conversation in a supermarket. In the first dark days of the separation my need to verbalize my pain and confusion was almost desperately compulsive, and I’m so grateful to all the kind and patient souls who understood and listened and advised and bore with me while I struggled to make sense of it all.

I’m very thankful to the people, some of whom I barely know, who have brought me firewood simply because they heard that I needed it. What an incredible feeling of being part of a caring community.

I’m thankful for the half-a-steer that came to my freezer last Sunday. And I’m thankful for this week’s rain, which makes it possible for me to continue to raise my own beef for that much longer. I could never afford to buy hay for my half of the herd; if the pasture goes my cows will have to go too. So I thank God for every drop of rain that falls.

I’m thankful for Mrs. Mouthy’s Pear & Gorgonzola Pizza recipe, which I just tried for the first time last week and it was crazy good and Elizabeth had three slices for supper and two more for breakfast and she doesn’t even normally LIKE pizza, and I think that’s the only kind I’m ever going to make again.

I’m thankful for…um…this year’s amazing bumper crop of pinecones. They’re so pretty and they make the best kindling.

I could go on, but I’ll stop now. Happy Love Thursday everyone, and Happy Thanksgiving, and may the spirit of thankfulness remain in all our hearts long after the last of the turkey and cranberries are gone.

Categories: Family, Friends, kids, Life, Love, Love Thursday, NaBloPoMo | Tags: | 3 Comments

Still Wordless: Which Way To the County Fair?

blggiant

Categories: Family, Friends, frugality, Gardening, Health, kids, Life, NaBloPoMo, Nutrition, Self-Sufficiency, Wordless Wednesday | 2 Comments

Sew Me A Sail

Thursday an even bigger bunch of us got together for another karaoke night, this time at a Mexican restaurant/bar here in Anza. We’d gone up to Idyllwild last time because an old mutual friend of ours runs the karaoke setup there, and she joined us when we checked out the local place.

It was a lot more crowded, which was fun but not as cozy. Also the sound system was not quite as good and there was an odd echo on the mic. The general consensus in our group was that the local place is fun for hanging out and socializing, but for serious karaoke-ing we’ll still be heading up to Idyllwild.

But fun was had. Luke got up all by himself this time and sang Day-O with heartwarming confidence, Jamaican accent and all. It was a hoot, and he got the loudest applause of the night, by far. Anyone who could listen to his earnest eight-year-old treble impersonation of Harry Belafonte and not want to offer encouraging praise is a soulless commie and dead inside. There were none of those in Casa Gamino Thursday night.

And then Elizabeth went up and ROCKED THE CASBAH with a MASTERFUL rendition of “I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight.” I was freaking amazed. Seriously, next time I’m bringing my camera and getting video. She NAILED that song.

Steve wandered in at some point and hung out at the bar for a while. He’d missed Luke’s song, but saw Elizabeth’s. Then he wandered back out. Poor guy, having his kids there probably put a serious crimp in his pick-up action.

There are two billiard tables in Casa Gamino, and I’ve realized that next on my list of parenting goals is teaching my kids to shoot pool. I used to be pretty good back in the day, but I gave up the game when I was dating Steve because he used to accuse me of cheating whenever I beat him. Which was almost every game. Apparently I was moving the balls around when he wasn’t looking. Whatever. Anyway, Luke and Elizabeth were goofing around with one of the billiard tables Thursday before the crowd showed up, and it hit me how remiss I’ve been. They should TOTALLY know how to shoot pool by now. Honestly, where have I BEEN?

*******************

In other news, I was planning on seeing “Twilight,” but it’s getting dismal reviews over at Rotten Tomatoes, so now I’m thinking I’ll wait for the dvd.

*******************

Today’s Fun Image: 404 — page not found.

404

*******************

And here’s a little children’s poem that captures my mood today:

Needles and pins, Needles and pins,
Sew me a sail to catch me the wind.
Sew me a sail strong as the gale,
Carpenter, bring out your hammers and nails.
Hammers and nails, hammers and nails,
Build me a boat to go chasing the whales.
Chasing the whales, sailing the blue
Find me a captain and sign me a crew.
Captain and crew, captain and crew,
Take me, oh take me to anywhere new.
–Shel Silverstein

Categories: Family, Friends, kids, Life, NaBloPoMo | 2 Comments

Blog at WordPress.com.