Family

Birthday Boy

Luke will turn eight years old this Saturday. When I asked him how he wanted to celebrate he requested balloons and a cake and a big list of specific gift items (interestingly, none of which were toys unless you count the chemistry set), and oh yes, a trip to Knott’s Berry Farm. I told him I could afford the the trip to Knott’s or all the other stuff, but not both. He thought about it, and then reluctantly picked the cake-and-presents option.

When Steve asked Luke what he wanted and had heard the tale of woe, he said, “Of COURSE you can go to Knott’s too! Because I’m dripping with money and you can have anything you want!” Okay, that’s not what he said. I’m sure it was phrased more tactfully than that, but anyway the end result was that me and the kids and Steve AND his parents (dude, cut the umbilical cord already!!) spent yesterday at Knott’s together. And it wasn’t as awkward as I’d feared it was going to be, mostly because the kids had a blast and it’s hard to feel too awkward in the presence of kids who are having the time of their lives. Plus there were hardly any crowds or lines (we probably have the dismal economy to thank for that), so everyone got to do everything they wanted to do without much waiting.

This was the first time Luke and Elizabeth have been to Knott’s when both of them were too old for most of the Camp Snoopy kiddie rides. We did a brief camp walk-through for old times’ sake…

…and then moved on to the big kid stuff. Given the choice, I think Elizabeth would have spent the whole day just riding Jaguar over and over.

Luke had a similar affection for the Calico Mine ride.

I enjoyed communing with the local wildlife…

…and both kids had fun looking at all the old wagons and trains and such.

I’d say a fine time was had by all. And in one of the gift shops I found an item that was so perfect for Luke that it was worth the trip all by itself. It was a set of slotted “building cards” that could be used to create pirate-related structures — absolutely ideal for my budding architect/engineer/swashbuckler.

So today when I should have been catching up on a towering pile of chores, instead I spent the entire morning playing with Luke and the building cards. Check out the ship we made:

And now if you’ll excuse me, the mess around here is starting to impair my ability to walk from one end of the house to the other. I should probably do something about that…where did I leave my snow shovel….

Categories: Birthdays, Family, kids, Life | 1 Comment

And Now We Know

Elizabeth: “I think I’m going to draw a picture of what Dr. Claw might really look like.”

Me: “That reminds me. You have one more Inspector Gadget dvd coming in from Netflix, and that’ll be the last of them.”

Elizabeth: “I wonder if THIS TIME we’ll finally get to see Dr. Claw’s face!”

Me: “I don’t think they ever showed his face. I think it’s just one of those great mysteries of life that’s never revealed.”

Elizabeth: “Like the Onceler. You only ever see his hands and arms.”

Me: “Like how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a Tootsie Pop.”

Elizabeth: “Oh, I know that one. I counted once.”

Me: “You did? How many licks does it take?”

Elizabeth: “Four hundred ninety.”

How I love that child. She always goes that extra mile so the rest of us don’t have to.

Categories: books, Family, food, Humor, kids, Life, Love | 4 Comments

Holy Stowaway, Batdude!

Friday night we were watching “Hook” on dvd from Netflix and consuming enormous quantities of popcorn, when suddenly there was an exclamation from Steve’s end of the couch (he’s been coming over for family movie night the past couple of weeks). “Whoa — a bat just flew in!”

I paused the movie. “I didn’t see anything.”

“Neither did I,” said Elizabeth. Luke said he hadn’t either.

“It flew in the window,” Steve insisted. “I think it flew down the hall!”

So we briefly searched the back of the house for a bat, found nothing, and finally decided that Steve had seen a moth or something.

This morning Elizabeth was taking her bath and noticed something clinging to the wall mouldiing above the tub.

Poor little guy must have been starving after two days and three nights in the house.

After some discussion we decided to wait until dusk to release him outside, so he wouldn’t be disoriented and helpless in the bright light of day. When Steve came over to see the kids this afternoon he got elected, by virtue of being the only one tall enough to reach, to capture little Batdude in a towel.

I love bats, I truly do. Bats Are Our Friends. But little Batdude was seriously pissed off by the whole experience, and he was making some remarkably unattractive faces at us involving lots and lots of teeth, and he didn’t seem terribly receptive to our apologies, so we just took him out on the porch and let him go without further ado.

He exploded out of the towel and into the twilight sky with reassuring vigor — at least he wasn’t too weak from his ordeal to hunt.

I bet he won’t be flying into any more windows anytime soon, though. At least he’ll have a story to tell his grandkids. “So there I was…clinging to a barren wall in enemy territory for days on end….”

Categories: Animals, Family, kids, Life, Wildlife | Leave a comment

I Know I Left It Around Here Somewhere…

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritation and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.
~Mark Twain

You know what I used to have? A sense of humor. Seriously, it used to be one of my best features. That’s probably hard to believe if you’ve only met me in the past few years. So how did I go from being Queen Of The One-Liner in my teens and twenties to being the humorless wretch you see before you now? I’m not sure…maybe it had something to do with cohabiting for thirteen years with someone who never got my jokes. Sorta took the fun out of telling them, you know? Anyway, I’ve decided that this is an Unacceptable State Of Affairs. I gotta get my funny back!

I figured this blog would be the place to start, so yesterday I resolved to sit down and write the most hilarious post I could come up with. But as it turns out, I don’t get to be hilarious again just because I want to. Try as I might, nary a hilarious idea has presented itself. Hunh.

Alrighty then.

It’s been said that a sense of humor is really just a sense of perspective, so maybe what I really to do is take a step back and look at the big picture. When viewed through the Lens Of Perspective, my life has all kinds of stuff in it that I should be thanking God for instead of focusing on the less-than-ideal aspects. In that spirit, and in lieu of anything actually funny, I’ve decided to list five things that I’m extremely thankful for. Who knows, maybe a healthy dose of perspective will help me recapture that elusive sense of humor again. Here goes:

1. My children. Luke and Elizabeth are far and away the best thing(s) that have ever happened to me. They keep me grounded, give me something larger than myself to live for, and provide much-needed laughter and whimsy in my daily soundtrack. They are the mirrors that reflect back to me the best and worst in my own behavior. My heart is so full of love for them that it hurts sometimes, in the best possible way.

2. My home. I love this place. I love my garden and the orchard and all the space for kids to run around in, and how close it is — a short ride on a fast horse — to uncivilized wilderness. I’m slightly less euphoric about the cardboard-and-staples circa 1972 mobile home, but that’s why renovation projects were invented, right? And I’m thankful that Steve wants to keep his kids nearby, so selling the property isn’t something I need to worry about just yet…knock on wood.

3. My friends. One thing I didn’t expect about my marital breakup was that it would turn out to be a sort of litmus test to show me who my true friends are — and aren’t. There were people whom I had considered friends that simply stopped answering my calls when they found out that Steve and I had split. Perhaps they feared that divorce might be contagious, or they were turned off by the social stigma, or maybe they felt the need to take sides and they took Steve’s? I don’t know, they were just gone. Thank heaven for the brighter side of that coin: friends who immediately stepped in with words of comfort and support and/or offers of company and diversion. They made me laugh when my world was crumbling. They gave me a bit of solid ground to stand on and something to lean on and bolstered my faltering self-esteem. They kept me from sliding past grief and into true despair. I don’t even want to think about how much harder this experience would have been without them. Their friendship is a treasure beyond price, and I thank God for them every day.

4. The lessons I’ve learned. Everything’s a learning experience, right? In my darker moments I feel like I’ve completely wasted the past fourteen years of my life, but in all fairness that’s not really true at all. If I’m honest, I have to admit that I’m a better person for knowing Steve. The lessons weren’t always easy or fun, but I think I’ve come out the other side of this marriage stronger and wiser and more balanced than I went into it. I know a lot more about how to get along as a functioning member of the human race than I did before I met him. So, I do appreciate that.

5. Hmmmmm. Surely I haven’t run out of stuff to be thankful for already…? OH! I’m thankful for this guy that hit on me today at the supermarket. I sorta blew him off (nicely) because I’m nowhere near ready to start dealing with men again yet and he didn’t look like my type anyway, but still. When you’re 39 years old it’s always a compliment, and frankly I appreciated the ego boost. So thanks, guy at the supermarket!

Okay! Got my happy thoughts back, let the hilarity begin!

Any minute now.

Yeah, stay tuned. I’ll get back to you on that.

Categories: Family, Friends, Humor, Life | Leave a comment

Second Verse, Same As The First

Now that Steve and I are separated (again), he has donned his Devoted Dad hat (again), and begun making time every day to spend with Luke and Elizabeth. From my perspective this is of the good; I firmly believe that kids benefit from having a healthy relationship with both parents no matter what the state of the parental union may be. Luke, especially, has become a lot more confident and outgoing and less…well…neurotic, in the past four and a half months since his father has decided to give him some actual focused attention.

Being the astute child that she is, Elizabeth has picked up on the rather fickle nature of Dad’s devotion (as in, it comes and goes in inverse relationship to how secure he feels in the marriage), and she’s been visibly cooling toward him. I can’t blame her, but it makes me sad anyway.

And speaking of our Tough Cookie, she took a big tumble yesterday.

Some backstory: ever since she was four or five, Elizabeth has liked to walk out to the horse pasture and shimmy up a front leg and onto the back of a horse or pony, letting it carry her wherever the herd took them. At first I was VERY concerned about this pastime, and considered putting a stop to it, but she always chose the nice quiet mounts and nothing bad came of it, so I relaxed a little and let her have her fun.

A couple years ago she came in complaining that Balki (an Icelandic pony we used to have) had tossed her off and hurt her arm. This was the same pony that gave her an actual concussion the first time she rode him, so we just told her to stick to the safer horses for her pasture jaunts from now on, and let the fun continue. (A week of “My arm feels better today, Mom”s later, I took her down to have it looked at and learned that she had been WALKING AROUND WITH A BROKEN ARM FOR A WEEK. Hence the “Tough Cookie” nickname.)

The other day I caught her trying to slip onto Mahogany’s back from a top fence rail. I nipped that plan right in the bud. No ridee Mahogany! But when I saw her hacking around on Marshall, I thought it over and decided not to fuss. Marshall’s young and green, but he’s also calm and friendly.

Okay, so yesterday I glanced out the window just at the right moment to see Marshall BOLT out of the corral into the pasture, and Elizabeth hit the dirt in his wake. I shot out the door and into the corral, calling her name. She was all, “I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay,” but she wouldn’t or couldn’t answer my questions about where it hurt and what body part she’d landed on. Her knees were all scraped up, and she seemed very disoriented. I brought her in and settled her on the couch and shone a flashlight in each of her eyes, and her pupils responded normally. I suggested a warm bath (she was filthy from the corral ground and her scrapes were very dirty, and I figured she would feel better after a nice soak). She got in the tub, but then started wailing that her head hurt. I checked and found a respectable goose-egg on the back of her head, so I gave her some Children’s Tylenol and went to find her some clean jammies.

When I got back she was kind of zoning and sleepy. I helped her out of the tub, and she got dressed in slow motion; she just wanted to go take a nap. I knew there was a good chance she had another concussion (for those of you keeping score, that’s one broken arm and two concussions so far. CPS should be knocking on my door any day now), but I also knew that if I took her to the emergency room they would: 1. keep her waiting for hours before anyone attended to her, 2. most likely eventually diagnose a concussion, and 3. tell me to take her home, keep her quiet and give her plenty of rest. So I let her go take her nap, opting to spare her the stress of a trip to the ER. She slept and SLEPT and slept. I went in every half hour or so and nudged her until I got some sort of response, because there is a risk of a concussed person slipping into a coma if they’re allowed to sleep too deeply.

She seemed to feel better when she finally woke up around 5pm, and she had some supper. And then threw it up. And then threw again at bedtime. Steve and I talked back and forth on the phone for a while about whether taking her to the ER to check for complications would be worth all the additional trauma it would put her through. (The ER is in Murrietta, btw, almost 50 miles away down winding mountain roads.) Finally it was decided that I would sleep with her, and if there were any signs at all that things were getting worse instead of better, down we’d go.

She woke up early, around 4:45am, and seemed to feel a lot better, so we all heaved a sigh of relief. But around 9 or 9:30, she kind of crashed again. I called her pediatrician, and miraculously they were having a slow day and said they could see her in the office at 11:15.

The doc gave her a careful examination, including a rather alarming bit of hands-on skull twisting to check for fractures, but Elizabeth was unruffled by that. He confirmed that she had a concussion, but said that there didn’t seem to be any life-threatening complications, and that I should take her home and keep her quiet and give her plenty of rest. No running or bouncing or anything that might possibly cause her brain to slosh around in her skull for at least a week or two, and no riding horses, climbing trees, or anything that might cause another head injury for at least a month. So, the Tough Cookie’s on the sidelines for the rest of summer vacation. Poor kid. She threw up again the instant we got home, then went and took a long nap in the hammock.

She’s a little cranky.

So I guess our Summer Of Adventure will have to be limited to non-physically-strenuous activities from here on out. No swimming, bowling, roller skating, bike riding….Looks like we’ll be seeing a lot of movies.

Where’s that catalogue where I saw that child-size bubble-wrap clothing? I know it’s around here somewhere….

Categories: Family, Horses, kids, Life, Love, Marriage | 3 Comments

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